Guy Bevan survives El Mataro

El Mataro, which was broadcast last night at 1:30am AEST, has ended, with Bevan scoring 2 Buces and setting up 3 points and securing a victory for the Cartel in the semi-pro Mexican Buce League.


Guy Bevan, who was kidnapped in late-2013 by the Mexican drug cartel in order to play for their Buce team against rivals Ejército Mexicano in the Ascenso Buche División, seemed physically healthy and mentally prepared for the challenge ahead of him, say friends and family who watched the match.


Bevan suffered a fractured ankle in the final minutes of the game after successfully dodging several deliberate attempts to disable him during the match. Most attacks came in the form of attempted kicks and stomps, and even one attack from a player with a concealed knife, which Bevan was able to avoid before the attacking player was sent off.


Despite matches like this being relatively unheard of in Australian buce terms, six other players who played El Mataro were also carried off the field- including two confirmed deaths in what has continued to be the bloodiest derby in Buce history.
Cartel Buce player Borges Teixeira hugs Bevan after surviving- and winning- the match.
Cartel Buce player Borges Texeira hugs Bevan after surviving- and winning- the match.
Bevan’s spectacular job of achieving victory has secured his survival in Cartel captivity- for now, say experts in Cartel behaviour. Had Bevan lost the match, he would be far less useful to the Cartel and less likely to be released.


Now the game has ended, pressure on the Cartel to release Bevan has increased by both Mexican and Australian officials. Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott has made demands that “Mr. Devon be released as soon as humanly possible” and that “human right violations on this scale are an absolute misplace”. Experts are not so optimistic, however.


“I’d say his chances of release are still low” said former Australian diplomat Bob Hendricks.

Word has it that the Australian government plans to send a well-respected Buce player over to calm tensions and secure a safe passage home for Bevan. “It worked for Dennis Rodman and South Korea,what could go wrong?” explained a confident Mr. Abbott.