Opinion: One Sack in the Hand is worth two in the Bush

I smell difficulties, process mental-notes and design the bridge to build. I’m not a tragedy slut. I’m a pragmatic man.

Currently, the Buce League reeks of difficulties. Let’s contemplate the odour that is the current global sack crisis. We face a dwindling supply of hackysacks that has caused the International Governing body of Buce (IGB) to recommission old hackysacks, scout third-world countries for new supply and to consider digging up previous self-supply of sacks à la the ‘Socksack’ (Guy Bevan, 2010).

The motif of smell is pertinent here. Let’s follow our collective noses.

The fetid old sacks of yesteryear: Buce is a new game, people! Faster, stronger and tougher. This is not a fix. These sacks cannot fight the modern war.

The stinking favelas of Brazil: The price of supply is low but the transport? High cost. The quality of the products? As with their origin, poor. This is not a fix. The price is the same for inferior product.

The pungent old socks of Guy Bevan: Hmm… Fighting funk with funk. This is a fix!

My father used to always tell me, “Eddy, start everyday as a producer – not a consumer”. I believe that this mentality can freshen the odour of our beleaguered league. The production price is low, the process simple and the limits limitless.

When the ‘Socksack’ was proposed in early 2010 it was a real stinker. Widely panned by critics, including myself, the sack was too heavy, asymmetrical and leaked soup mix during play. It couldn’t have been a worse proposition for a healthy league. However, drastic times call for drastic decisions.

Guy Bevan, the architect of the failed venture, was kidnapped late last year in Mexico City. I am not the harbourer of ill-wishes but we couldn’t really have wished for a better outcome in regards to the ‘Socksack’ program. As I said, I’m pragmatist. Without his bullheadishness, alcoholism, delusion and lack of engineering skills we might finally have made room for a revitalised attack on developing and introducing the promising ‘Socksack’.

I call on you, Arthur Douglas, board member of the IGB and president of BNN, to renew the ‘Socksack’ venture. Place someone who knows what they’re doing at the helm of the project. We can become the supplier to our own demand and produce hackysacks of increasing quality and beauty. This is the Old Spice the Buce League needs at the moment.

This is the bridge we must build. A pathway to greener pastures. The ‘Socksack’, once a fragrance of the inane, now can be smelt upon favourably. Daddy Downtown, you were one smart man.